When you read the title of this, Hunting Squirrel, you probably thought that this was about someone’s efforts at pointing things that go bang at cute little furry things that frolic in the glades and forests and city parks. I’ll admit, I don’t like squirrels. Yes, they are kind of cute. The thing is, the little buggers like to climb up in the trees around my house, leap onto the roof, and begin to chew on the wooden siding of the house. Or on the metal flashing used on the roof. Or to bite, scratch, claw and wriggle their way through the wire mesh covering my chimney flue. All in an effort to get inside my house.
There is plenty of evidence on the outside of the house. Brown sections on the white wood where they have eaten the paint, and wood. Scratch marks on the flashing form their sharp little claws. An I hear them running around on top of the roof all the time. The best, and most conclusive evidence however, was when the little sons of…I mean, cute little fluff balls, dropped down the chimney and landed on top of the fireplace damper. Only to be stuck there. Which left three things to happen. One, they might by some miracle climb back up the chimney and escape. They might die in the chimney, rot and create a horrendous stink. Or, with my luck, they would eat their way through the damper and get loose in my living room!
I’ve had to call Earl Bushmaster twice. Earl is a guy around here who catches unwanted critters and varmints and takes them waaay off into the bush and releases them. Usually to find their way right back to my house. Just kidding. Once Earl gets hold of one of these rascals, I don’t have to worry about seeing it again. But I think Earl is a little scared of squirrels. He’s good with snakes, and bats,, and gophers and armadillos and such beasts. But the dang squirrels are so fast, they move like greased lightning. Earl jumps a little higher than I do when the mother, I mean cute little fluff balls, jump form here to there. They can fly!
We finally catch them, but one of those little …fluff balls (you thought I was gonna slip that time didn’t you), tried to eat his way out the window, but only managed to eat all the wood trim with what seemed like giant teeth gnashing in one bite. Yes, I’ve been known to point things that go whoosh! at the critters.
But I have neglected my story in wasting your time telling you about my feelings on squirrels. The real subject of the story isn’t about me chasing squirrels, its about a badass mother of a squirrel that I saw hunting a cat! That squirrel stood up and pointed that nose right at that cat. And he took his squirrely tail and extended it as long as it could be, and pointed it straight behind him. Then he lifted one of his front feet and stood there. Staring. Waiting. He looked just like some kind of German short haired pointer, ready to attack. Maybe he knew I didn’t like cats much either and was trying to get on my good side that day. Or maybe we just have some tough squirrels around here.
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