Monthly Archives: February 2013

The Squirrel

I hate those little so and sos.  Sure, they’re furry and cute, but that’s in a picture, not in my dang living room!

There are a lot of big trees in my yard.  Mainly oaks.  The squirrels must like the acorns as I often see the little grey buggers scampering around the yard, and in the tree branches, searching for those nuts.  My dog doesn’t like squirrels either.  She loves to chase them across the yard and up into the trees.  She thinks maybe she’ll catch one some day.  Not a chance.  But I applaud her for her effort.

Don’t let anyone tell you that a squirrel isn’t smart.  These guys go from tree to tree to get to their nest.  And they like to use the roof of the house as a shortcut.  They even crawl up the drainpipes from the yard to the roof to get into the gutters to find nuts, or to get to their nest.

My house has a chimney and in the winter we have a fire in the fireplace.  Gas, so there is no smoke, but lots of nice warm air.  Of course the chimney has a cover on it so the squirrels can’t get in, but wouldn’t you know it, those sneaky devils have pushed the wire mesh, or maybe eaten through it, and built a nest at the top of the flue.  Ah, the nice warm air.

OOPS!  I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.  Nasty little devil has fallen down the flue and is stuck in the chimney.  I hear him scratching around the metal pipe.  And the chimney damper.  If he somehow jiggles the damper, he’ll fall through and be in the fireplace.  And the house!

I put a weight on the damper to keep it shut.  How much can a squirrel weigh?  And I call animal control.  They refer me to a guy who captures bats and squirrels and all sorts of other critters that invade man’s personal space.  He says he’ll be right over but upon arrival can’t coax the squirrel out of the chimney.  He thinks the bugger has scampered back up and out of the chimney.  Just in case, the damper is wired shut and he’ll come back with some traps the next day.

So there I sit, relaxing in my relaxing chair.  Minding my own business.  All of a sudden a grey and furry Ninja warrior is zooming around the hose, bouncing off the walls, and using me and my chair as a launch pad.  I ran around and opened all the doors of the house.  Just don’t go upstairs I hope.  And after a few laps around the downstairs, out he goes.  Whew!  Out, out damn squirrel, to paraphrase Lady Macbeth.

Today I hear the scratching again.  They’re baaack!

That’s part of my story.  What’s yours?


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