Deer Buds

On Dasher.  On Dancer.  On Leroy.  On Cupid.  On Donner and Blitzen…  Leroy was visiting from Detroit and Cupid was just confused.  But hey were all there.  Standing, four on each side of the road.  Just staring. Like deer in the headlights.  I was amazed to see them all together, just there in the middle of suburbia.  I had to wonder where Santa and his sleigh were.  Maybe they had escaped.  Or more likely, they were making a practice run without the sleigh.  Christmas was still two days away.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Sana Claus, but no Miss Ginny, the herd of deer in your front yard are not his.  These guys had wandered up from the nearby creek and were busily nibbling on the carefully manicured lawn and shrubbery on Miss Virginia’s property. 

Deer can be very cute.  But my beef with them is that they are so unpredictable.  Just standing there, then suddenly dashing out into the street in front of your car.  On several occasions, that dashing turned more into smashing. 

Going over the river and through the woods one night a big one appeared out of nowhere and bounced off the front of the car, skittering across the road.  He looked pretty dead until I got out of the car to go check on him.  That was when he jumped up and ran off, apparently no worse for the wear.  My car, on the other hand, had a definitely dented front end.  Hood wouldn’t close, but it seemed not to open either.  I took it on a five hundred mile trip, the whole time waiting for the hood to fly up into the windshield, blocking my view and causing a major highway catastrophe.  But it didn’t.

Another time I was running down the road and I saw something move on my right.   I slowed and looked and sure enough there he was.  While I was staring at him, another one jumped from the other side and bounced right off the hood.  He too flew off the side of the road and into a ditch.  I didn’t get out.  He didn’t come back to the road.  My hood and grill were both toast.  I later tried to use a pair of pliers to reshape the mangled hood.  Believe it or not, that made it look even worse.

There have been many other close calls, but my personal favorite was when we were down near the lake and these two big bucks came across the road.  These two were big.  How big?  Big enough so that they just jumped right over the car.  That was cool.  If they’d been much smaller they would have come in through the driver’s window, and gone out through the passenger’s window.  Small car.  Would have been messy in between.

Those plastic little deer horns you can buy to put on the car don’t seem to work for me.  They are supposed to make a whistling sound that keeps the deer away.  But the deer just kind of stare at you.  Like you’re whistling a catchy tune as you drive past them.  But they don’t run out in front of you.  Too busy tapping their toes to the beat.  The horns seem to fall off easily.  They are just plastic.  Held on with some double-sided tape.  Somebody invent a better one, please!

I’m glad that Santa has a good use for deer.  And that the Laplanders are able to do something with them.  For me, they look pretty, but only from a distance.  And I don’t want them in my yard.  Or near my car!  That’s part of my story.  What’s yours?


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